Tending Scattered Wool

Reality #1: Unresolved Stuff of Life
In a fallen world unresolved tensions are the norm. We cannot get away from them. There are new ones to meet us most every day that pile upon the old ones we have wrestled with for years.

To what sort of tensions do I refer? Health, finance (like enough support), relationships, work responsibilities, social-political upheaval where one resides, economy fluctuation (which impacts support), singleness/marriage, parenting, parents, teammates (or lack thereof), leaders in your organization who bug you with policies that bug you even
more…..Need I continue?

Some synonyms to tensions might be stressors, crisis, conflict, or uncertainties.

So here is our lot in a fallen world, we all live with these unresolved realities. Just as we get the upper hand on one – three more crop up.

Reality #2: We Like to Fix Broken Stuff
No one likes unresolved tensions. We are masters at denial, numbing, fixing, resolving, ignoring, procrastinating, and the old putting-life-in-a-head-lock-until-it-relents move. We hate it when life does not work. So we just eat another bowl of ice cream as we drift mindlessly through the Facebook universe.

What if one of God’s gentle, loving roles is to be a grand disrupter?  What if he allows them, yes even causes some of them, to draw us deeper into communion with himself? Well, then if this is true and my bent in life, consciously or not, is to seek to master my own world, then I might just be working against God’s redemptive activity in my life.

That gives me pause.

What if the wiser way is to name each and every messy reality in my life and then allow myself to be taught by the Father to  lean into him amidst all that yuck? What if he is
offering Sabbath Rest, Peace, Love, Joy, Life,  and Wisdom (that is to say, he offers himself as each of these are not merely “whats” but a “Who”) in the middle of all this mess of life? If this is true, then the way forward is to be taught by him to walk well amidst life’s unresolved tensions.

Reality #3: As We Live So Shall We Shepherd
If we as care providers have not been taught to live well amidst the pains, losses, and griefs of this world well, then we will, by default, guide others to respond to life as we do ourselves.

There is a principle here: I cannot lead sheep to pastures I have never been to myself.

Thus, if I have not learned to rest in God amidst some of my personal on-going health struggles, for example, then I will not be able to lead another one to the pasture called rest amidst their own unresolved struggles in life.

Allowing God to draw us deeper into communion with Jesus is absolutely essential to becoming a wiser shepherd of others (I have written on being a receiver in order to be a giver). Seeing life this way, our unresolved tensions are not merely messes to be cleaned up but actually gifts to draw us deeper into God. First, that we may know his love and care more intimately. And second, and this is always a second, that we may guide others to him well.

How has God possibly allowed unresolved tensions to exist in your life to draw you deeper into himself? And how has leaning into him shaped your shepherding of others? May I encourage deep reflection, maybe even seeking counsel, on such weighty matters? 

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Thank you for checking in.

For Mom’s of Little Ones, Written by a Dad*
We were 20 something years old, church planters in a massive Asian city and surviving 3 little boys with more energy than your typical cyclone. We had no clue what we were doing. We lived in a tiny, cinder-blocked, tile-floored flat. The boys all slept in one tiny room. Life was crazy in those days. While I was out learning the language and working with our team, my wife leaned heavy into three little boys. There was always a scrum on the floor.

Of course, there were no grandparents around. Baby sitters were hard to come by.  For my wife, it was all day, all week, all year being mom. Exhausting work.

How does a mom survive?  Let me share with you what I witnessed. If you are a mom of little ones, be encouraged – you can survive these years. The kids? Well, time will tell….

Surviving, More or Less
My wife is naturally very relational. She loves people. These little people who came from within her were the gleam in her eye. She adores her boys. Today they all tower over her as each is well over 6 foot tall. Back then, they were pudgy balls of atomic explosions. Hungry, dirty, happy, grumpy, constantly moving – all at the same time. You get the picture. We laugh now. We cried a lot then. We had no idea if we were good parents or not. We begged God for mercy.

A lesson: Pray your fool head off
There are certainly principles on parenting. You can read the books. Living cross-culturally with so many normal resources stripped away (extended family, church community, native speaking public schools, etc.), parenting can be exponentially more difficult. We had no idea what we were doing. So we prayed – usually as we were falling asleep exhausted in bed at night. We begged God to guide us and protect them from our cluelessness. He answered those prayers. We couldn’t tell then. Hindsight gives us the gift of seeing God’s activity in those days in ways we never detected.

Another lesson: Say you’re sorry and keep on saying it
This is one of the greatest gifts we gave our kids. We knew when we blew it. Well, usually. Sometimes we had to point it out to each other. When we settled down and were graced with our senses again, we would go back and apologize. This kept us humble and taught our kids how to say sorry. Our home was a good environment to be real and learn. We were matured by God through our kids, no doubt about that.

Bonus Lesson: Be real about mom’s spiritual life
I wax eloquent about meaningful spiritual life on this blog. With the smack of little feet on the tile at sunrise each day, “devotionals” were hard to come by. My wife tells how she found solitude by washing the dishes at night. I would be on the family room floor as boys climbed all over me and she would hide out in the kitchen doing a chore no one else wanted. But she was alone. She was not being pulled on.  She usually had a verse written on a card stuck to the wall above the sink. The spiritual life of a mom can be thin. Moms, be gracious with yourself. You do not need anymore “shoulds” pounding away at you. Take the time when you get it. Seek to make the time if you can – get away for at least 1/2 a day one Saturday a month or something (hint: dads – take the kids on Saturdays!). Your Father in heaven is gentle with those who have little ones. So be gentle with yourselves. Besides, raising little souls is one of the “hidden” spiritual practices God graces some of us with. He is up to more in your formation, and the kid’s, than you may be aware.

Obviously this is written from a dad’s point of view. What do you moms have to say out there? Please share your frustrations and wisdom.  Thank you. 

*This blog was wife-approved prior to posting.

Scary Moment
I just returned from some time in Turkey. On the first day there, I was with some of my colleagues enjoying the rich history of the land as our heads cleared from jet lag. Suddenly there was a forceful explosion very close by. Out of my mouth came the words, “That was a bomb.” And it was. You may have read of the suicide bombing in Istanbul that killed 10 tourists and injured many others. We were a mere several hundred yards away and watched as events unfolded before us. Fortunately, we could not see the actual bombing sight as our view was inhibited by a wall and several mature trees. It was some time before we new what actually happened. The fear in passerby’s eyes was striking. There was the concern of more bombings. Was this a single event or was there to be a string of orchestrated strikes? As you can imagine, it had a strong impact on us.

Broadcasting trucks line up at scene of bombing in Istanbul.

Processing
We talked amongst ourselves as the day passed. As my colleagues were new to this part of the world I was concerned about impact. Everyone seemed to be processing well. The next morning we talked about it again as we flew to another city. I was not very concerned as everyone seemed to be doing well.

I am grateful that we connected with a number of other experienced and trained workers in that next city. One offered to walk us through a structured critical incident debriefing as a group. Over a couple of hours we were able to share our story and the impact of the event. And once again I was privileged to watch the process of a debriefing do its work.

With another person who had not been there asking pointed questions, more layers began to come forth. We discovered that what was causing us distress was the impact the incident had on loved ones back home. We were not there to tend to our families and assure them of our well being. That had begun to create some deep tension within my companions. Talking it through dissipated much of that tension.

Lesson Learned. Again.
I learned that none of us are above the need for personal care. Yes, I am trained as a personal debriefer and as a crisis debriefer. Just because I understand the process and how it works does not mean I do not need to receive such care myself. I do need to be cared for. We care givers cannot deceive ourselves that we do not need the same care as others.

I also witnessed the process of a well led debriefing do its work. I have learned as a debriefer to “trust the process.” Indeed. I did not sense anything was brewing below my friends surfaces. Yet the actual debriefing brought much more to our awareness. Lesson learned – again!

How About You?
I received a strong response when I wrote on the need for debriefing a couple of months ago (you can read that here). So I ask again, what care do you need? Ours was an actual event. Many of us have what is an accumulative dynamic of stress and even trauma. What care do you need? Do you have mentors? Coaches? A spiritual director? Who can you go to for a personal debriefing? Who shepherds you?

Who cares for you, the care giver?

Plugging into Jesus
In a recent talk I used the following illustration:

I had in my left hand my iPhone. In my right hand I had the white power cord  that came with the iPhone. Next to me was the podium. In my illustration the iPhone represented me, the podium Jesus, and the cord my spiritual practices that help me to connect to Jesus.

I am like my iPhone. I have all sorts of apps. I have a dad app, a husband app, a shepherd app, a friend app, a pay-all-the-stupid-bills app. I go about my day doing all my apps. But I get run down. My battery slowly goes dead.

So I grab my power cord (spiritual practices), plug one end into me and the other end into Jesus and I expect him to recharge me. “Jesus,” I pray, “I need more grace. Give me power. Give me wisdom. Heal me. Strengthen me.”  Then I unplug myself and go out and do all my apps…..

This is really poor spirituality. And it is an apt picture of how many live out their walks with God. Plug in, get the juice, then go out, and do life. We tend to objectify grace, wisdom and all we need from God when it is a Who we are seeking, not just all “the goods.”

Abiding in Jesus
This is where in my illustration I paused. I very strongly stated that this is not the type of relationship God desires with us.

I then took my iPhone, sat it on the podium and then moved the podium across the stage as I went about my day as an illustration of me being in Jesus and abiding in Jesus throughout the entire day.

This is the relationship that we are invited to. One of constant connection, constant dependence, constant communion, constantly being loved, cared for, taught, guided and so on.  And it’s important to remember that this is not all up to me. God always initiates, I always respond. That is why Jesus simply said, “Remain in me.”

How do you Abide?
One of the desired markers of maturation is integration. I have my “devotional life” and then my “real life,” yet those two worlds may or may not connect. What I am invited into is a walk with God through all of life all of the day. How can one grow in integrating spiritual practices into the rest of life? What does it look like to walk in constant attentiveness to him? How can that be best facilitated amidst life? I have become aware that it is far too easy to get caught up in my day and live off of adrenaline and my own best efforts. God is merciful and allows that – for awhile. But he desires more. He draws us into a life with him.

What practices help  facilitate abiding in your life?

As shepherds we have the wonderful privilege of shepherding people deeper into communion with Jesus as we tend to them. In fact, all of life is an opportunity for this to take place. Our growing communion with God in Christ is his greatest desire and thus as shepherds it is ours too. We desire to guide people into an ever growing communion with God as they go about their daily responsibilities.

What has God taught you about communing with him amidst life?

2015 Reads List

Here is a link to my annual reads list. Every year I send out a review of the books I read over the previous year and share it as a resource. I would love to hear of any excellent books you have read.

This is the first time I have attempted this type of an upload on this system – trust it will work smoothly. If you cannot access the .pdf below, please comment and I will rectify the problem.

Peace – and Well Done Serving Many!

SES

2015 Reads List