Tending Scattered Wool

Relearning some crucial lessons in the area of personal intimacy with Jesus.

I have a spirituality that is quite sufficient when I am home. The space from others and stable routine allows for a steady rhythm. But on the road, it is being stretched a bit. This raises a question.

Is it possible to have a “moveable feast” – a spirituality that deeply nourishes the soul day in and day out while on the road?

Reality Check
The easy answer is “yes.”

The hard reality is that I am finding it challenging to live into this of late.

I aim to maintain my morning patterns and sabbath day while on the road (see past posts on similar topics here and here). When those travel days begin to stack up though, fatigue begins to creep in and I my best intentions get stymied.

Here is an example. Let’s say that after a couple of weeks of being on the road engaging others, the emotional tank begins to get low. So when it comes to prayer in the morning, I find I am staring off into space pondering I am not sure what. Prayer is an interpersonal engagement after all. After days of tending to others, I begin to struggle in my attention toward God.

Here is the catch though. Jesus is my life, my strength, my bread, my water, my everything. He is all I have to give to another. Sure, his mercy is enough when I am less engaged with him on some days. But, frankly, it bugs me. I don’t want to be less engaged with him when I am on the road, but rather more engaged. I need him.

Trial and Error
Here is where a nice punch line would be given – the answer to the quandary at hand.

I don’t have one though. I wrestling on this topic.

Here are some questions I am pondering?

• Is my schedule too compressed? Not enough space between events so that I can recover from the previous event and be replenished sufficiently for the next?
• What about those times when “life happens” and there is no option? Is there something else I can do to allow for more time on the margins of the day?
• Is this just a liability of my vocation? Or is there another way to walk with God in this vocation?
• What about those longer multi-week international trips – how does one stay intimately abiding as the days pass?
• Other…….I am still pondering…..

These questions remind me that what was “sufficient” earlier in my life is no longer sufficient now. God is beckoning me deeper, something has to change for me to respond well. A parent of little ones could, possibly, ask different questions.

The Goal: A Moveable Feast
Not getting tired in the care of others is unrealistic. We all tire. Yet spiritual vibrancy is not  an unrealistic pursuit. I have experienced it in the past over many years in many countries and many demanding scenarios.

I aim for a moveable feast – a transportable rhythm that allows for me to respond to Jesus moving toward me daily.

If this were a simple formula to live out, I guess it would not require fresh engagement with the Lord to discern a new way forward.The Lord invites me to converse with him and see what fresh perspective he will provide. After all, my desire for him is not a self-born desire. It is his desire for me drawing me toward himself.

How would he have me respond in the next chapter of life?

As always, I’d love to hear what you are learning on this topic. Thanks for chiming in. 

Suffering ≠ Punishment
In the stiff winds of a painful experience, a normal  human response is to wonder what we did wrong. Often behind this is a punitive perspective to personal pain – we messed up and now we are paying the price.

Here is a different view. In some instances, not all, personal adversity can be an aspect of ministry fulfillment.

Biblical Models
Think of those who suffered various kinds of hardships under the providential care and purposes of our wise God:

• Noah built a boat in a desert. Think anyone mocked him?
• Abraham waiting 20 years for that promised son as he wandered a land given but not yet possessed.
• Moses’ two 40-year stints in the wilderness – once as a fugitive, the second as the leader of a fugitive people of God.
• Jeremiah ingested God’s word and proclaimed it for over 40 years yet saw little change in God’s people.
• Paul in 2 Corinthians lists numerous hardships he experienced as he went about his Apostolic work.

Joseph’s own words are startling.  Sold into the human trafficking reality of his time by his brothers, then falsely accused of attempted rape as an Egyptian slave, he spent years in an Egyptian prison. Decades later, to those same betraying brothers, he uttered his famous and wise words: “And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors.  So it was not you who sent me here, but God. (Genesis 45:7-8)….  As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today (Genesis 50:19-20).”

Joseph had come to realize that his sufferings had a purpose larger than his life. Sure, his brothers sold him into slavery, but it was God who was using that betraying act to fulfill the life purposes for Joseph. Wow.

Often our sufferings have larger purposes too. We might not be a national leader on the scale of Joseph, however we are God’s children and nothing is beyond his providential care and purposes.

My Lesson
Some years ago I came to the realization that the physical limitations I live with are not only the context in which God invites me to walk with him, it is the context in which he  manifests his love through me to others.

Could I have fulfilled this calling without these limitations? It is conjecture, but humanly speaking, possibly. In the Father’s wisdom and love though, he knows that these traits of his are supremely displayed in my personal version of limitations.

Weakness as a Window
Personal sufferings are a means in which God can convey his love through us to others. The primary display of this truth is Jesus on the cross. Jesus’ suffering is the supreme display of the Father’s love. Our weaknesses can be a window into the same love.

How About You?
What are the hardships you are facing today? How might they be “an aspect of vocation?” How is God lovingly and mightily present in and through your weakness to others?

We are sheep first, shepherds second.
Sheep who are unwilling to be shepherded can get lost. Lost sheep make for poor shepherds.

Let’s put that another way.

Debriefers who do not seek out being debriefed are not the best debriefers.

Pastors who are unwilling to be pastored by another make for poor pastors, or at least not the best pastor they could be.

We are sheep first, shepherds second. As we experience receiving from others, we are postured to extend to others.

We Shepherd out of our Sheep-ness.

Its our identity as adopted sons and daughters in utter dependency on God from which we relate to others. Yet, all of us, to some degree, have misshapen identities. Our identities are always in the process of being redeemed, i.e. reshaped and reoriented.

We shepherd out of our sheep-ness.

If it sounds messy, well it is.

Receive First, Then Give
Too many of us in care giving roles are far, far more comfortable being the giver than the receiver. It is what we receive from Jesus that we extend to others.

Being dependent on God is, in part, manifested in being dependent on others.

Another metaphor: we are all beggars for bread and the bread I share with you is not of my own creation – another gave it to me.

Who are Your Caregivers?
Who is your pastor?

Who is your spiritual director?

Who is you coach or mentor?

Who is your counselor?

Who is your debriefer?

How often are you meeting with these ones in a vulnerable, receptive posture?  Be very specific; it might not be as often as we imagine.

We can only lead sheep to pastures we know well. If we hang out in the pasture called “I care for myself,” guess where we will lead the sheep?

I must never think I am above the care that I provide for others.

Unshepherded shepherds beware.

Lately, I have been pondering spiritual development stages. Critical Journey by Hagberg and Guelich and Mansions of the Heart by Ashbrook have been two main resources.

Prayer Time Agendas
Prayer is diagnostic to growth. In other words, time abiding with Jesus in prayer deepens and broadens as an essential means and marker of maturing. Solitude is essential.

Communion with God is the core aim – not what is done for him or who I am becoming. The latter two are a corollary of the first.   Formation and mission are an overflow of relationship.

Something shifts within the prayer. Instead of me showing up with my list of things I want God to do, I show up and am quiet.   God sets the agenda of what we talk about. Instead of me filling the space full of chatter and then plowing into the day, I wait.

Ripple Effect
As I have reflected upon this idea, I can see how it would ripple out into the rest of life. Instead of me telling God what ministry I am going to do and asking him to bless it, I may find myself asking God what he wants me to do. Sounds good in theory, but how would that work out 9-5?

There is obviously lots of room to grow.

I am curios to what your experiences are as you progress through the years with Jesus.

May you make time to be with him and caring that abiding throughout full days.

The annual Pastor Training in MemberCare Conference is coming this fall. Last year’s event was stellar. This year is promising to be just as good. Hope to see you there.